HAPPY!!!

Na janay kab say
Umeedain kuch baaki hain
Mujhe phir bhi teri yaad
Kyun aathi hai
Na janay kab say

Duur jithna bhi tum mujh se
Paas teray mein
Ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko aisay jeenay mein
Zindagi say koi shikwa
Bhi nahin hai
Ab tho zinda hoon mein iss neelay aasman mein

Chahat aisi hai yeh teri
Barr thi ja-ay
Aahat aisi hai yeh teri
Mujh ko satha-ay
Yaadain gehri hain ithnee
Dil doob ja-ay
Aur aanjhon mein yeh ghum num bun ja-ain

Ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko aisay jeenay mein


Sabhi raatein hain
Sabhi baatein hain
Bhula do unhay
Mita do unhay
Ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko

---------

I am a bad friend. Which I guess in turn loosely translates to I am a bad person. No, I am not having a sudden low in self-esteem or whatever. The first sentence stems out of what this.

I have lost two friends whom I knew and who knew me very well in the last month or so. I am constantly fighting with and almost losing two more friends of the same kind. I am not in touch with anyone from college or school. I claim my sister is my best friend, but its ages since I talked to her properly. All in all I have enough points to believe in the first two statements J

Maybe I was always like this. Maybe I am like this now. But I know all of the above friendships are losing out on the value of friendship because me and what I am as a person. They have been nice, super nice to me. And I have been selfish. A friend I met through the blogs whose insanity I adored, my best friend who knows everything there could be to know about me………I have lost them both.

And I am creating enough trouble to be losing two more people I value a lot, my first blog friend who had known me for 4 years and been with all this time and someone who knows me for just about a year but who has been there for me the most!!

I don’t know what in me has made me lose out on these people. I am demanding too much. I am sorry.

Not getting close to anyone in the future. I don’t want to hurt or disappoint anyone.

Acquaintances only. Better for health :)

HAAPY BIRTHDAY SUBIN!!

Movies

Movies watched in the recent past....last one week more precisely

Blood Diamond, Tashan, JodhaAkbar, Nishabd, Krazzy4, Ironman....

Been watching a lot of movies. Er.... as the list suggests not all of them perfect. :)

But its not been bad....The thought of killing anyone hasnt come to me after watching any of the above movies. Except for very short spells of time....maybe! :P

Next few movies are going to be:
Brokeback mountain, Michael Clayton, Mithya , Accepted, Enemy at the gates, Munich, Ratattoulie and let me see what all. :)

(have the above movies with me right now.....so mentioned them!)

Btw I can still speak 'for' any movie I have seen... no matter how bad it is..... kinda weird. Particulalry since if I dont like a book, I more or less never talk in favour of it....even if its just for the sake of a debate/argument.

I have a weird kind of relationship with movies......... I tend to find the good things in the bad movies rather than the other way out. Haan....watever

There is no point to this post. Like there is no point to anything anywhere :)

Till again, TC! :)

PS: I hav the "blogger-urge" to see comments to my posts. But dont want to go hunting for them. Sigh!! Where are the old days! ;) :P

Tashan

Me just the finshing the watching Tashan

Me the liking it a lot..... :)

Sachi mein!! After all, wats life without a little Tashan!! ;;) :P

PS: This is not a movie meant to be watched with brains......its phoormula to the phullest!! Njoy! :D

Something more about me

So.... Do u want to know who is the most silliest person I know?

Do u want to know who is the most stupidest person I know?

Do u want to know who is the most foolish person I know?

Do u want to know who is the most underestimated idiot I know?

Answer to all of the above is......

*Drum roll* *Suspense*


ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Applause!

*Nodding my head and wondering what I have been doing for the past XX months...Sigh!*

Now back to work....... TC!!

Divine me!

A very self-obessessed post this is going to be!! :D

So i deleted the last three things I posted here. Why? Cause its an utter waste of wonderful,beautiful free web-space.

So now I am shifting to a new project and a new team at work. I am looking forward to going home sometime in the near future. I am thinking I will get back to cooking daily.

I hate the heat nowadays. Not to be read as I hate Chennai under any circumstances!!

I have a whole lot of stuff to do...... need to get them done :)

I miss my mom and sis like crazzzyyyyyy..................... hugs and kisses to both of them............

I am just happy!

Oh where is the self-obssessed part of the mail.... all of it!! its just for me! :)

Signing off..... The princess of Cochin AKA the divine angel AKA Diva AKA Divs!! :P

Tata!

Right now

When I had started this blog I had kinda decided there would be no major crib sessions in this one. No I-am-feeling-low posts. If you still didnt get where I am headed with this.... I cant help you.

There is indescribable anger and hate. And the pain that it comes with......... :)

Well, I am kinda bored and I saw this at Poison’s blog. He made it open source, so I thought why not! :P
So lets see…..
1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:Race.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?Snow by Orhan Pamuk

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?Hmmmm……Scrabble, Snake and Ladders, Ludo

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?As a kid, used to like this ‘Gokulam’ magazine…. Now Time.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?Rain. Coffee. Petrol.

6. FAVORITE SOUND?Rain. Train.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?Longing for something you know you will never have

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?First thing I do is look for my cell and check the time (Usually there is a sms or two, so read that too). So first thing I think is “Where is the Cell-phone?”

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?No absolute favs.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?I will tell you after I name the kid

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...?Spend it!!!

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?I don’t drive! :P

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?Hmm…. There is a stuffed animal kinda thingie next to my pillow. That’s where I usually keep my phone! :P

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?Awesome. Scary but still sooo awesome

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?Don’t drive.

16. FAVORITE DRINK?Coffee!!!!!!

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD….”
I am confused. There are a whole lot of things that I want to do. But I also wouldn’t mind curling up and sleeping for long hours….. hmm…..
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?Don’t think I have had broccoli stem so far.
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?There is this reddish-brown or brownish-red. That colour
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.Cochin, Trivandrum, Chennai

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?Cricket

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. :) - no one word can explain this one.

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?No bed

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?:) definitely

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?Night Owl

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?No eggs.
27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?Beach.
28. FAVORITE PIE?Apple??

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?Vanilla and Chocolate. Any version of the combination of the above two is delight.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

Tagging only one person. Moi Sis!! :D

Zindagi hai dhuan to kya
Bujh gayi har subah to kya
Rootha mujhse khuda to kya
Ho gaye hum juda to kya
Faasle they hazaaron darmiyan,
Waqt ke they hazaaron imtehaan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan,
Tere honthon ke kisi kone mein,
Hansi ke tarah, main mehfuz hoon
Teri aankhon ke chipe dard mein
Aansoo ki tarah, main mehfuz hoon
Bewajah har wajah to kya
Begunahii hai gunaah to kya
Beasar hai dua to kya
Ho gaye hum juda to kya
Raaz gehre hazaron bepanah
Lafz thahare hazaaron bejubaan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan
Tere honthe ke kisi kone mein
Hansi ki tarah, main mehfuz hoon
Tere gesu ke ude pannon mein
Yaadon ki tarah, main mehfuz hoon
Teri aankhon mein
Mehfuz hoon
Teri yaadon mein
Mehfuz hoon
Teri baaton mein
Mehfuz hoon
Tere baalon mein
Mehfuz hoon
Faasle the hazaron darmiyaan
Waqt ki thi hazaron aandhiyan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan
Tere honthon ke kisi kone mein
Hansi ke tarah, main mehfuz hoon
Tere kaandhe ke chipe til mein
Vaadon ki tarah, main mehfuz hoon
- Lyrics for "Mehfuz" from "Mehfuz (Euphoria) – Too little, too late"

A moment

A moment. That is all that it takes. For you to realize your future. No matter how much you are thinking about it before or after that moment, no matter how much you contemplate. It’s always just that one moment. Isn’t this a scary concept? I mean here you are thinking for hours on end, weighing pros and cons. More than the decision you dedicate your effort to the thought process. And then after days, hours, ages of thought you figure out your answer, only for someone to come and tell you that it was just one moment in between those minutes or hours that your choice was made. The point is you never realize that one moment. You always think you thought about it and made an informed decision. Blah. You just decided. Yea, I guess all the thinking and the lists and the discussions do add up to something. But then the choice is made in an instance. I believe there is not exactly a lot of ‘thinking’ or rather ‘contemplating’, its just there. Almost born out of thin air, you have a decision. I don’t know if this is good or bad. But I know its there. That one moment when you decide to change your life. A moment.

A Walk to Remember

I saw A Walk to Remember last night.

It is one of the most cliched movies ever. The dialogues, the scenes, the story...... :)

But I like the movie, I like watching it :)

I kinda like the songs in the movie too. Now this song I dont recall from when I saw the movie first time. Later another friend had given me the song and I had gotten to like it....... Yesterday I saw the movie and realised the song is there in the movie too.....

It is the song that plays when He realises She is suffering from cancer and he drives to his Dad's place to ask for help (Dad's a doc and he has not spoken to his dad for months)....

The movie is about two very young people and their love. I love the guy for all what he does for his gal. For the love, the care, the concern, the commitment.

Anyways, the song I was speaking about.... given below....

"I Dare You To Move"

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

Everyone's hereEveryone's here

Everybody's watching you now

Everybody waits for you now

What happens next?

[Chorus:]I dare you to moveI dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to moveI dare you to move

Like today never happenedToday never happened before

Welcome to the fallout

Welcome to resistance

The tension is here

Between who you are and who you could be

Between how it is and how it should be

[Chorus]

Maybe redemption has stories to tell

maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go?Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here

Was listening to it when I started typing the post.... :)

Saw Race yesterday.

Ok. I had actually decided I would not write what I thought about this movie. But then I read two not-so-good reviews and I decided, what the heck I might as well write something down. No, I am not saying I am going to write a Great review....par if there can be soo many silly one's out there...why not one more?!

So I enter the movie hall a few minutes late. Which is normal. I have surprised myself and friends only once or twice by actually being on time for a movie! : P

Haan, so I enter the movie hall and sit down to watch the “Thriller”. And what a thriller it is. You get soo hit by each twist, each new revelation that you are actually on the floor and/or moving violently. Oh, the laughter is just an add-on. I did open my mouth and go ‘Ho!’ at most of the tense I-didn’t-expect-this moments. Just that the ‘Ho’ was followed by something like ‘HeHaaaaa’ (read together it is ‘Hoheeehaaaahaaahaaaaa’): D

So I had fun at the movies. I wished I had seen it with the gang; the pathetic plot could have been made fun of in a much-more effective and innovative way. The double-meanings could also have been enjoyed with some more add-on’s. Sigh! Never mind.

So now getting down to business. Let’s go step-by-step.

Story- Absent.
Screenplay- What? How dare you ask for something that silly?
Editing- Scissors must have been used.
A whole lot of other technical stuff (Cinematography, Camera, the works) - They decided not to do anything as other important components were not there. Like the story.
Music- Decent enough if you like bollywood stuff.
Acting-Unh?
Direction- Great!!!!!!!!! Seriously he has to be a great man who can take the above components and make a “Movie” out of it!

So anything I liked about the movie? Loads of stuff.
Some of the songs.
Katrina’s costumes. The skirts and the shirts were very cute.
The accessories on all the leading actors. The glares were super-cool.
The shoes!!!!
And the Cars!!!!! The movie has all of them driving the most awesome, super-cute, little/big angelic cars………. You could ‘almost’ watch it just for the cars.

Best Moments:
All the time Saif Ali Khan becomes alive again!

Why should you watch it?
Because it would be an enriching educational experience. :D :P

And for the guys, the three leading ladies won’t disappoint you. For d gals, Saif Ali Khan. And the Shoes!!

It is raining outside as I type this...... :)

I am not quite sure when my love for the Rain began....but its the strongest and longest love I have. I have got drenched, splashed with all the slush in the road, gotten to office in conditions suitable for mental asylum, not reached appointments, fallen, cancelled things....all because of the rain. But I have still loved every moment of it.

It is a difficult to explain the feeling. But the rain calms me down. Makes me smile. No matter what is happening around me. No matter what thoughts are running through my head. I just love the rain. I could sit and watch it for hours. I could walk in the rain for long. I could try to write about it over and over again only to fail miserably.

I love the thunder and lightning too. There is a beauty to lightning that is quite uncomparable. A beauty whihc you can just watch and smile about. A thrill which you can only feel. An element of surprise, a sadness, a power. Its all that and more. As I said, its something one experiences, feels :)

Once more I try and fail to write what I feel.

This are two posts I have attempted in relation to the rains which I like..... So I am mentioning them again here........ :)

To the only thing that can make me smile in an instant........ To my one true love.......

Rain 1

Rain 2

Is there a need for a title.....

Words. Sense. Random. Life. Future. Past. Moment. Actions. Truth. Hate. Cheat. Hide. Love. Feel. Fall. Rise. Fly. Surrender. Destroy. Friend. Work. Marriage. Study. Music. Days. Lazy. Waste. High. Drink. Hurt. Voices. Photos. Blogs. Words...................

About Stuff

So its been more or less work work work for quite some time. It doesn't help its work I quite dislike! :)

Well so weekends have also been in office for some time now. But the last two Sunday's have been something.... A play and a concert. Nice.

Now last Saturday I was at work. Friday night I had got home late. I had things which I knew will not be done by the time its supposed to be done. So went to office on Saturday with a strong resolve to not let anything distract me and finish my work ASAP. Listening to ARR, I started doing what I have been dong for about 5 months and what I hate. The song playing switched to Nahin Saamne. Now long back I have written a post when listening to this song. It is something I quite like and listed in the 'Stories' list on this page. Well I went and read that last saturday as I was listening to the song. Then I sat and wrote what follows here. It is as bad as stuff I normally write so I thot it deserves to share some of the glory that comes through these web-pages! :P

Oh yea, the work thatI was supposed to be doing. It didnt quite get over. Sigh! Not that I care a tiny bit! :)

So some words scribbled ( or watever is equivalent in our world of MS Word) on a Saturday morning in office....... :)

Silence.

Silence. Can conversations happen in silence? Have you experienced that kind of conversation?

It is quite beautiful really. When you are so close to someone that words seem a waste. When you know what the other mind is thinking, how the other heart is beating, how the other soul is sighing. The silence attenuates the intimacy.

And it is even more beautiful when this sometimes happens with a stranger. Some one you do not anything about. Some one, who could for all you know, who is the kind you would hate. But then in some moment when there is nothing but you and that stranger and the silence…. There can be conversation. Magic, isn’t it?

And they shared a similar kind of magic. Strangers they were. But yet in so many ways they were soul-mates. Silent conversations were all they had in common. For her and him to become a ‘them’. Those daily few minutes they shared. In silence.

Her company had a sprawling campus and many thousands moving about in it. It was quite far away from her house. After the hurried mornings, the bus ride was quite a relief. It was therapeutic. Almost as much as her favourite therapy, cooking. J She boarded the bus at about 7.20 every week day. Went straight to the back seat and sat by the window to enjoy her one hour and some minutes of therapy.

And he was always there. Sitting in the window seat at the other corner. Looking out into the world or rather lost in his world. It was his time of peace too. She knew.

Almost never did they share a word or a smile. But they always knew the other was there. The sense of connection between them was always there, lingering somewhere in the air. Above the hideous red seats and the music and the potholes.

It was strange nobody seemed to prefer the back seats. Neither of them had office-friends in that bus route. Throughout the journey, daily, they sat there. With each other. Sharing thoughts in a way even they didn’t understand.

Only once was there an act of acknowledgement that realized this phenomenon.

He had been missing for a couple of days. Her morning bus rides those days didn’t seem normal. It was like something was missing. Like when you are typing fast in your key-board, words flowing out like ink from a pen and suddenly you find some key stuck, not moving.

It was like that. Her thoughts were there. That calmness was there. But then in between, there was a stop. The thoughts bounced of an empty wall. He was not there to catch them and throw them back, carefully.

And then on the day when she climbed into the bus to catch sight of that familiar face, those eyes again, she smiled. To herself. To him. There was a smile and that first acknowledgement of ‘them’. He smiled too.

*********************

She had been trying hard for the transfer. And she finally got it, she was happy. All packed and with all the happiness in the world she left to go back home.

Those silent conversations disappeared into silence.

PS: one of the lines in this one is not mine. Its a friends.

--

So when i started this blog I had high hopes..... of getting back to blogging regularly....writing abt the stupidities in my life and in the lives around me. But seems like it aint meant to be.

I took my PC from home. From then it was having its own stroke of wonderful luck. One ailment after another struck my poor PC. Then we had quite a struggle with the broadband connection. Got that done and then the PC died again. Haan, sad story it is. So now I have no clue if I would indeed get back to blogging...... Lets c....

And I am not quite sure why or what I am typing here either. My orkut profile name now reads "Losing Myself" and that is quite the truth too..... Confusion seems to surround me from all sides and I dont know what are the answers. Maybe I do know them answers........at least some. But I have lost that ability to correlate an answer to a question and find a solution. And all I end up doing is complaining kinda like what I am doing here. And quite a few people have managed to put up with me and my little-big stupidities for quite some time. I dont know why, I guess it is some part of the definition of friendship...... I feel sorry for them......

Anyways, I dont know if I will write in this page again......... Visit it in between I will..... Once a blogger, always a blogger.......the checking your blog, looking for a comment......all tat wont leave you soon :)

Take Care


PS: I wish any of the stuff above made any sense to anyone including myself...........

:)

"how do i start my public diary?how do i introduce myself to people whom might care less?????well,im divya.all of 20 years doing an engg course(yes one more in the making).im in love with my home city,my heart,my cochin.blogging seems like fun.......wat exactly i think of it i'll let you know in some time."

That was posted on January 22, 2005...... Three years ago.

And today after three years I can say what blogging means to me..... what blogging has done for me....... by saying, I AM BACK!!!!!!!!!

A new blog... A new space... But the same old me!

Same old? Well, its been quite some time.... so maybe not quite the same!!

But yea, it takes a lot for the divinity to fade away!!

So am starting again. Planning to be randomly regular..... Promising thoughts; simple and weird and boring and interesting and well..... u know, Divine!! :)

To all who drop by........... I am Back! :)

Till next time, take care